Originally Posted by
trailmix 
There is a way to discard the anxiety. What do you normally walk in to at a holiday break? He goes on a bender? Well instead of "hoping" he won't be - just accept he will be. You've dealt with this before so really it's just more of the same.
Hopefully you have a plan for a place to go to if you need a break?
Doesn't sound crazy, nothing changes if nothing changes. In reading back on some of your posts - nothing has changed.
Last holiday I saw was memorial day I think, he drank.
That's a good thing but are you happy and content in your relationship? That's probably the more important issue?
Yes, I have a couple of options if I need to get away short term.
He drinks every holiday, every weekend, & any time that he's home really. He's finding more reasons to stay home from work. He's hiding it better. When we fight, I can see how mind blowing ridiculous things are (the stuff he says). I can also see how manipulative he's become. He knows just what to say in order to get me back in line. I know he's likely drunk when I head home from work and that's why I dread going home to him. He's ruined our HOME. I like the house, but I don't like what should make it a HOME.
Happy and content? No way.
I have an attorney lined up but haven't moved forward with it. I'm getting counseling because I want to be a stronger person. I want to find myself again. That may be without him.