Glad you are here and I do hope you quit. It won't get better if you keep drinking - or if you quit for a short time and return to it. Hope will be something you find but it isn't a plan for sobriety- so making new choices based on sr (Dee for example used it from the start) or AA (people like me at death's door, or far less dire but just as much an alcoholic) or any of a number of other recovery programs.
You can get well and be able to handle whatever alcohol-free scenarios your body presents over time.