Gabor Mate suggests you/we ask not 'why the addiction, but why the Pain?' For instance, I used booze to escape. I probably spent next to no time trying to figure out what it was exactly that I was trying to escape from, because I seemed to always be on the run and hence 'preoccupied'. If I thought I felt good, I wanted to feel 'better' (drink). If I thought I felt bad, I wanted to feel better (drink). The common trait, even in these two simple examples, is that I pretty much always wanted to feel something other than what I was feeling in the moment, good or bad. In my personal understanding of things, and in a broad framework, this seems to apply equally to cases where people feel that their life 'sucks' when they are drinking, but seems to also suck months, maybe even a year, after they've stopped. The shared aspect there is 'life sucks', boozing or not boozing. Thus, it's the 'life' that needs work on. People on SR simply know from experience that taking on the challenge of working out 'life' is FAR EASIER when sober.
You also mentioned you play instruments. Have you ever witnessed - what I'd assume would be a miracle tbh - that you get better at playing guitar/keys by waiting to get better? When I was learning guitar, only playing it improved things
Maybe there's some food for thought in there for you, Mitch
Good luck!