Thank you all! I so appreciate the wisdom. I was definitely discouraged after leaving the attorney, but I sort of knew ahead of time what the numbers would be. We do live in a very expensive area unfortunately. The attorney did say since it wasn’t a dire emergency now to start stashing some cash away and putting my ducks in a row. Take notes, save money, get myself healthy. I think that will make me feel more in control. I am going to look for a part-time job. Problems are summer, school vacations etc. Attorney did say no weekends or times to make husband responsible for daughter when I work. it’s hard to prove a custody danger case later when I have left her with him.
I had a wake up call last night and I sort of felt at peace after (beware, it may not last). The drinking was brought up in conversation and he immediately went to defensive. Flat out looked me in the eye and said he had one beer on Thanksgiving, had a shot at his daughter’s wedding in August and nothing in between. I know for a fact all of that is al lies. Not to mention that one beer or one shot is not sobriety. He calmed himself down and said he is not going to drink anymore and he does not want to go back to that life. I believe his intentions are good. I know he doesn’t want to go back there, but the pull of this addiction is powerful. I realize without a lot of self reflection, and help he’s just going to more underground. I looked at him in the eyes again and said I will not go back to this life. Yes, he’s a big boy and he can drink when he wants to drink but I don’t want to be around it nor will our daughter. Except during special occasions, he has not been drinking at home. Reflecting on the past few months he has made a lot of excuses to leave for the night (saying he’s working out of town) and most likely does it there. For the most part, besides his guilt driven anger he is fine at home if I play the game. During our conversation last night I felt this snap. I am going to do my best to detach from what he is doing and playing detective. It’s exhausting and consuming. I have a beautiful 11-year-old, three older adult amazing kids, and four beautiful grandchildren. I have been so distracted in the last few weeks that I have barely been functional. This weekend I am not going to worry that he is at his brothers drinking. I am going to enjoy the weekend of peace with my daughter.
just a heads up… I may be back on here soon complaining that things are out of control. But for now, I have to do this for me. Or try anyway!