As I have healed, the real me is showing through.
I realized at around 90 days clean that staying sober was going to be hell on Earth.
I googled mental illness recently and I had many of the symtoms.
Now, at 4 plus years without being intoxicated, I have just a few symptoms and I have faith I am not mentally ill any more.
Basically, I like me, but I also have regrets. My wife loves me more than she likes me. She hasn't had an easy go in life. She was mentally and physically traumatized by her family for her first 18 years.
Her first hubby openly cheated on her. She works her tail off and doesn't have any bad vices except entry level hoarding. I am lucky.
My libido is up these days and I want more intimacy from my wife. She dealt w me not being very intimate for about 15 years and now I expect her to change?
I am disgusting jerk. I am thinking about ways to find some other women to satisfy me. What a total jerk.
So, I am not going to cheat on her. I am going to act like a respectful and awesome hubby and deal with it.
I am just these days beginning to see the real me. For a while, the first 3 or so years of quitting being a fat drunk, I was overly sensitive. Those days are gone.
I am still sensitive, but I am also not afraid to get a little salty if folks bump me too hard. I might do it in the bathroom mirror these days, but at least I have some gumption.
Hope this helps you in some way.
Thanks.