Originally Posted by
Brightlight2015 
I am a pretty private person, so reaching out to anyone (even a group of loving strangers online, lol) is huge for me.
I totally get that. I am exactly the same way. It wasn't good for me.
Everybody goes through rough times in life. I was always the type of person who was there to support friends and family members when their lives went through hell. But when my life with an alcoholic husband started falling apart I didn't tell anyone. I toughed it out. I thought I had to. After all, *I* was the one that always held everything together for everybody else (or so I thought),so how could *I* let anyone know I was feeling "weak". How could I "let down" my family unit by allowing anyone to know it was less than perfect?.... my goodness... how much easier my worst days would have been if I hadn't faced them alone? How much lighter would my burdens have been if I had've told people I trusted how heavy they had become? How much sooner would I have felt safe enough to leave a bad situation of I had've let my loved ones help me? How much sooner would my anxiety have been under control if I had asked for medical help before I literally Could. Not.Breathe? I was so deep in the FOG it's a near miracle I ever found my way out. I didn't find my way out by myself though. I never would have. I needed the wisdom of others who had walked the same path to help guide me.
I am glad you are here BrightLight. I hope you stick around and keep talking to us. Even if you don't "talk" too much, please do read....read,read,read! There is such a wealth of knowledge here. The stories of each person are unique to them and their circumstance... but the plot and the theme are are the same for all of us. Addiction is a heartbreaking thing, but we can make choices that will lessen and eventually remove that pain if that's what we really want to do. It ain't easy, and it isn't pain free but it can be done. It's much easier to do if you let people help you.
Again, I'm glad you have been brave enough to take the first steps of talking with us. I hope you continue to reach out to other sources of support. It sounds like you are really close to your family and miss being around them. Is there anything you can do that would make spending more time with them possible? I live 3,000 miles away from my mum and grown kids. I only get to visit a couple times a year, Skype helps for the in between times.
Hang in there. I know how hard this all is.
*hugs*