Trailmix - I find myself hoping that he will get drunk, so I have an "excuse". Even though I know I don't need an excuse. But yes, it would push me to just do it.
This limbo is so difficult. He doesn't believe I will leave him, so we just go through the days planning the holidays like nothing is wrong. I know he's bought me some Christmas gifts, and I have bought him some as well.
My hope is we can be civil and still have this last holiday with everyone together. My step kids and I still plan to have a relationship after the divorce. So I feel like he is controlling what happens this holiday and I can't figure out how to take my own power back. I can file beforehand, yes. But how he reacts to it may determine what the holiday looks like.