I'm sorry your in so much pain Jeff. I find that song to contain an answer though. Let go of what I've done...let mercy come.
I'll just speak for myself. I felt that mercy pass over me during an episode of self-hating abuse I regularly heaped on myself. I felt it release. It was like sunlight moving across a field and it caught me. We all do what we are programmed to do until we examine ourselves. Self-hatred had become an addiction in its own right for me. There was no one to blame, not even me. It was if I had been acting out a part I was made to play. So had the people who hurt me.
No one had been keeping score beside me. I was raised to believe my actions were of supreme importance and had the power to affect God. They weren't. The didn't amount to much at all. I alone had the power to wipe the slate clean as the song goes, so I did.