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Hello, this is my first entry - I'm just hoping for some advice as this is all completely new to me.

Yesterday my boyfriend of 6 years told me that he has a problem with cocaine, and that he's had it for several years we've been together. I had no idea, and I know how naive that makes me sound. I was aware that he's smoked weed a fair amount in the past (we've done that together a couple of times), but this news was completely out of the blue to me. He's been having problems with alcohol too (something I already knew about), and he said he wants to go sober.

He told me that the addiction came from work and stress related issues. He was a chef for most of our relationship and a lot of his colleagues used cocaine to cope with the long hours and the stress of the job. He said that he feels like he relies on the cocaine, and that he wants to recover because his father died from alcohol and drug related issues when he was fairly young.
I actually found out about the cocaine addiction from his Mum, because he had asked her to manage his money a few days ago so that he doesn't have access to it. He said the arrangement he's made is that he has to ask for money and explain the reason, before it would then be transferred to me so I can then monitor exactly how it is spent. He's spent all his savings that we were putting towards a deposit for a house one day, plus he owes me nearly £3000 for other debts - I asked if these were truly other debts and he assured me that they were (credit cards and loans).

I feel completely heartbroken and furious about the situation, mainly because he didn't tell me for years and that it's put our relationship on jeopardy. He also told me yesterday and that he's made a local clinic appointment for next week. I understand that he wants to recover and it must have been embarrassing to ask his Mum to manage his money (he's nearly 32), but I'm completely distraught about the fact that he has kept me in the dark for years and lied to me. He told me that he understands if I leave him, but this is where I'm stuck.

I feel very conflicted about what I should do now because I care about him and I want him to get better, I do still love him and I think there's still a part of me that wants a future with him. On the other hand, he now feels like a stranger to me and I wonder if I'll ever be able to completely trust him again. We've been living together (renting) for about 5 years and thankfully we don't have children. I haven't opened up about this to my family because I know they'll tell me to leave him and I don't want that decision made for me.

I talked to my best friend earlier today and her advice was to put myself first and focus on my own wellbeing and then think about a decision for our relationship. But I'd really appreciate any advice that you have for me, or suggestions of the next step to take.

Thank you x