Progress
I hit my limit with AH in July. I told him then that we should divorce and his response was - NO! As if I need his permission. I met with a paralegal in early August and hired her to help me with the documents to file with the court. Then the depression and anxiety hit hard. I've spent the last months working with my doctor to find a medication that worked. It was nearly impossible during that time for me to find the motivation to complete the forms and collect the needed documents. I'm now on a good medication that is helping so much. And tonight I finished the last of the forms/document collection. I've emailed them to the paralegal and will follow up with a call next week for our next meeting.
He hasn't had a drink since August 1, which makes me feel somewhat guilty for proceeding. Yet I know in my heart I'm justified with any decision I make. The past 3 months since he's not drinking, we've only had one argument. But I find myself wishing he weren't here nearly every day. I haven't brought up the divorce since July, just because it's been easier to coast through the days (especially during my depression) until I am ready to file.
Now with the upcoming holidays I am struggling with the timing. We have 5 (grown) children between us. And Thanksgiving is planned with the entire group. I've been trying to limit what AH is planning for Christmas because I kind of want to file after Thanksgiving. But fear an even worse Christmas. And my daughter will be home from college for a month at that time. I don't want her involved in any of the nastiness that could come.
I'll figure it out. I know that. And I"m going to continue moving forward.