trailmix

I grew up with an Alcoholic Father. Every time he came home it was a coin toss whether he would be drunk or sober. Whether drunk or sober would he be happy drunk or mean drunk and argue with my Mother? He also hit her from time to time.

To this day, it still makes me uncomfortable when someone comes home. Whether that was one of my ex Husbands (non-alcoholics) or a room mate. Doesn't matter.

Now of course it doesn't hold the same fear it did when I was say, 8 or 14, but I doubt it will ever go away.

How can you expect to heal when you haven't changed anything? You are still living with the person that traumatized you.

You are not responsible for his recovery, for his drinking or not drinking, you are not his saviour. What you are is a person, with a conscience that has been roped in to a very bad, very volatile situation.

You should perhaps let the divorce go forward, if for no other reason than legally separating your finances for when he is charged with a DUI, where he may injure someone. He has only been sober for 15 minutes but has convinced you to change your plans, taking away your power.

Are you even in any type of "romantic" relationship now or are you the designated caretaker?

Truthfully, you need some distance and yes, that includes physical distance. If he is back living with you perhaps he would be better off in a group home or sober living facility? He is not your responsibility. He is not an infant and you are not a psychiatrist. You can't stop him from relapsing or not, never forget that. The alcoholic traumatizes the family, circles back around while in "recovery" where everyone is to tend to his fragile state and ignore their own trauma. Is he looking out for you? Checking in to see how you are doing? Talking to you about it? Explaining what he was up to and what his thinking was? Apologized for being such an ass and causing you to worry? Is ANY of this about you?

What if he relapses, how on earth will you handle that?

Detach.