Sounds like my story
I've been dating a RA for 7 months. He's been sober for over 5 years. We met through a common interest and just kind of hit it off from the start. Started spending more and more time together pretty quickly. We would get together a few times a week after work on the nights neither of us had classes or that he didn't have volunteer work. We had started texting pretty much every day. Sometimes him, sometimes me initiating contact. Everything was going great between the two of us. He is not comfortable with large groups of people. He had not seen anyone since becoming sober. At first he had said he wasn't sure about getting into a relationship but a couple of weeks later said he "wanted to see where things went." As months went on we started taking out of town trips and things became intimate fast. The intimacy was initiated by him as I was hesitant based on what he'd initially said about relationships. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I had to leave town for a family matter. I invited him to go along, but he wasn't comfortable or ready to do that.
He is a very caring person and I know he cares about me very much and has let me in as he has not let anyone else in more years than he's been sober. He also refuses to tell even the smallest lie. He cannot accept dishonesty in any way. It was simply amazing for me to have this wonderful man want to be a part of my life. I had previously had a bad experience and was more than a little gun shy myself.
Before my departure he had started having some difficulty at work due to management changes and nepetism issues relating to a supervisor. Things all came to a head while I was away. We were texting often, even more than usual. He was interested as always in how I was and what I was doing. All the while filling me in on his life and work situation. Turned out the work situation (he also lives on site) fell apart a few day before I got back. He let me know the basics of what happened but also said he didn't want me to worry. His spirits seemed okay at the time. We continued to stay in touch a couple more days until I got back from the trip and made arrangements to get together right after work as soon as I got back.
We met at one of our usual spots where after he asked me about my trip, which I told him I detail, he said he was going to be leaving the immediate area and wouldn't be able to see me anymore. Though I was careful to never use the word relationship or refer to him as my boyfriend he was letting me know that he felt he had to break up with me. I asked him if there was something I had done or if there was someone else and he said absolutely not to both. He said things had went farther than he wanted and that he wasn't going to have time for me right now. This was very shocking to me and didn't make much sense. To me, being busy and not in the immediate area (45 mins away) would not be reason enough to lose such an portant person in my life. He said he wanted more for me and that I deserved more. I told him that I thought we should let the dust settle before deciding what to do going forward, but my words fell on deaf ears. I was so stunned that I wasn't able to express myself very well. By the end of our conversation it was dark, but I do believe that he was crying. He held me the whole time we were talking. I was shivering, I think from the shock of it all.
Now, not quite a month later, I've heard from him a handful of times. Usually light conversations by text go okay, but anything beyond that is not welcomed by him. He says he wants to stay in my life and that I am very important to him. He says there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and there isn't anyone else and there isn't going to be. He's said things like "taking things 24 hours at a time" and that he's "on the road with God."
Mostly, I'm worried about his well-being as well as missing him terribly. I don't enter into relationships lightly and this has hurt me deeply.
I have recently started attending Al-Anon in order to get a better understanding of myself and him. My step father growing up was a severe alcoholic and I know his treatment of me has resulted in some self esteem issues for me.
For now, I'm just doing what I can to cope with the loss. ☹️