Originally Posted by
Ctenhet 
I am really trying hard to just have no contact. It's hard but I am making progress.
Hey Ctenhet, it really sounds like you have been through the wringer and then some. This kind of thing is excruciating to get through.
You did say you went to Alanon. Are you still going? It certainly doesn't work for everyone but for some it is a lifesaver. Also the book
How to Survive the Loss of a Love is a bit of a bible around here. You might give it a look over.
Most of all please please take care of yourself: eat good food, stay hydrated and get some exercise no matter how little. What you are experiencing is no joke and you need to get all the support you can.
Healing and peace to you.