ShyRose…..I strongly encourage you to read the literature/books of the group "Adult Children of Alcoholics". (the group is also for those from dysfunctional families--as well as alcoholism). You would certainly qualify for this group.
I don't know where you live, but,if there aren't any meetings around....you can certainly benefit from reading the materials. You will find out that you are not alone!!
Just go to amazon.com....and type in "Adult Children of Alcoholics" in the book section...…
In addition....you might benefit from attending some OPEN AA meetings, yourself...just as an observer. Look for the meetings that are marked as "open", on the AA list of meetings, in your area. They will, also, be listed as "speaker meetings", at times.....
I am soo sorry to hear that you have lost so many of your grandparents....and, so many, at the same time. I was, also, raised, a lot, by my maternal grandmother...and was very close to grandparents and their siblings on both sides! I feel so lucky to have had them....and, any child who gets to have their grandparents' love is very blessed, in my opinion.....
Even now...so many years later, I think of my grandmother, every day.....
She guides me, so much....
You never lose the love....