Interesting thread and one that is staring me in the face.
My inability to detach...somewhere in the realm of intense fear I would say. Fear to lose this person, fear that if I stop trying with all my might that she will find someone healthier. I know....fully co-dependant. I helped check her in to detox one week ago after she almost fell through a 2 storey window. She just got released today and is going to be in an inpatient program inside of this month and has a few more key supports going for her this time as opposed to last August.
I am happy for her and sad at the same time. I miss this person and feel such a loss. She and I have talked and she is not ready to look anywhere past the present moment and while I get this intellectually, my heart is broken too. Why did it have to get to this stage and so on and so forth. I know...be happy for her, give her space and all that stuff. I wish I knew what I wanted. Sometimes I want to detach and put up walls all around me and go on with my life. Maybe I won't be a text book live in the moment, non-controlling person...maybe I will grow. This person who I saw today and she looked clear eyed was my wife...we are strangers now and I am hanging on tight to her.
So in terms of detachment proficiency I am so not meeting the mark. I can't find the strength in me to let go if this and let her do her thing and more key for me to deal with myself. I was so used to this person being my support. This hurts so much.