Originally Posted by
WaterOx 
Sadly, I feel like deep down, this is what I'm waiting for. Just being 100% honest.
Whenever I even drink on a "moderate" level (about 3 beers a day), I get this dull aching pain that developes right around my liver. I've gone to the doctor (more than one) a million times now. They say it's just normal and act like I should just keep an eye on my intake. No stopping, no "you're gonna die if you don't". Just a kind of shrug of the shoulders and seem unconcerned.
I know this sounds terrible and insane, but sometimes I wish they would tell me to stop, because it concerns me that unless it's a done deal I don't know if I will be able to.
Totally get it.
And, honestly, even when I knew doctors who told me to quit were right, I didn't care - enough. For myself. I finally got from "I don't care if live" to "I don't want to die."
And, it is insane because that's what our disease is. Many drs don't get it - they still don't have enough who've had the training. When I realized that my drs were all in their 50s and up - it clicked that I was fortunate bc I had ones great enough to know what they didn't know and recognize an alcoholic when they saw one. And then it was up to me to stop - or not. And 100% honest - it's up to you, even if no one tells you that you have a problem. When liver pain starts, it's never good and it will only get worse.
I'm a believer that "it takes what it takes" - and one thing that AA gets us to face so well is in step 1 part b - "our lives had become unmanageable"....means diff things to diff people, like for my husband v me. He quit because his life was unmanageable, and he quit drinking, finally got a divorce from his first wife, got in shape, started his religious and spiritual journey, and so on. I had to choose to live, whatever that would mean, then do that stuff!