Wombaticus…..for me, it was somewhat like what smallbutmighty reports.
My alcoholic was not a partner...but, a close family member.
The detachment was really about boundaries to protect myself.....
to my way of thinking.. detachment is just ONE tool. A tool of help gain some space for the non-alcoholic person...some space to be able to think and function ...and to get a bit of relief, without the foot of alcoholism on one's throat, every single minute.
One doesn't build a whole house with just one tool....While a hammer is a wonderful, essential tool....it takes many kinds of tools to build a whole house....
Like smallbutmighty said....detachment, alone may not get the alcoholic to stop drinking.....nor will it fix a marriage...….
Detachment is for US, first.....not for the alcoholic.....
for me....I wouldn't worry about the "love" part, at the beginning....gosh---it is hard enough to just detach, in itself, at the beginning!! How the "love" part fits in, will become more clear, down the road....often, way further, down the road...…
It is hard to feel the "love" when one's life is being ravaged by the alcoholism.....