hpdw

Friends , I haven't been visiting the forum as often as I should .
I am checking in to say I am sober . In 15 months or so I did have a 1 day relapse back in August I think it was .

The title of my post has an important meaning to me which is that I haven't taken diazepam for 18 days having been on a tapering program with a good addiction phsychiatrist and CPN . I had been taking diazepam for most of my adult life which was prescibed . In the 70s was hailed as a miricle drug and was prescibed 90 x 10 mg any time I said I felt "nervous" so at age 18 unknown to me was becoming addicted to Valium as it was called then ( still is in some places ) .

This addiction coupled with alcohol binges was my default condition for most of my adult life .

Am I angry , remorseful ,regretful ? yes and no . Angry at the medical establishment NHS for allowing me to be on this medication for so long ,regretful I didnt't do something years ago . Then I say the serenity prayer and bring myself back to a better place within .
Whats done is done , its TODAY that matters .

These past 18 days have not been easy with episodes of rebound anxiety and panic . Slowly I am healing though and as the title says "I can see clearly now ", after all those years .

Now I live life truly on lifes terms as suggested in AA and other 12 step programs .

Forever grateful to each and every one of you over my time in SR .

Thomas