Krystalm…...it l ooks like you would like to be in a romantic relationship.....and, he has belatedly told you that he is not ready to be in a relationship, of that nature. Believe Him. Be grateful that he did, finally put the cards on the table. Relationships started early recovery, notoriously crash and burn. that is why those in early recovery are suggested not to begin new relationships.
Just because you knew him for 15yrs. and used to "hang out" doesn't ensure anything, once the relationship becomes romantic. Who Knew?
Because, once the relationship enters the romantic state...it is like a brand new relationship. the dynamics change...
If relationships weren't a "fit" in the beginning....they seldom are a fit, at a later time.
Even people who were married and divorced...and, tried the marriage, years later...thinking it would work....statistically, have an extremely poor track record.
Plus, adding alcoholism on top of it all.....
I think it would be in your own best interest to start dating other men.
He doesn't NEED a friend....as he can find friends, elsewhere, who don't want a relationship or have a crush on him. Right now, he need his recovery community to lean on....AA members, sponsor, counselor, etc.
You can't "help him get better".... one cannot play "therapist" to someone that they are romantically attracted to....it becomes an uneven playing field....
and, if/when the relationship dissolves...you will end up feeling used....and, sad, and disappointed.....
It seems to be a truism, that, when romantic desire enters a relationship, by one of the members, and not the other...a platonic friendship is not possible.
The only time that seems to work is if each person goes on with their own lives and develop healthy relationships...and, then, MAYBE, there is enough to have a platonic relationship.....but, it is still more uncommon than common...…
I say these things with such confidence from a lifetime of my own experiences and observation of more others than I can count.....