Hi Lawry.
I'm no stranger to the phenomenon of making room for more.
I was a heavy binge drinker. Most mornings after regaining consciousness, the first thing to do was make myself sick. And the easiest way to do that was to swallow three or four onces of vodka.
That would purge my stomach of whatever was left in there from the bare minimum of food I had ingested the previous day, and allow for the next swallow to get past my stomach, and into my bloodstream.
Chronic alcoholic behavior. I knew it, and I didn't care.
Keep going to meetings. There are no requirements to speak.
But listening, as you are doing, may just save you a lot of pain in the future.
Don't give up.