Drank last night. No excuses. Not blaming anyone but myself. I cooked dinner and split a bottle of wine with the bf. Nothing bad happened but I of course feel physically worse this morning. Tired, thirsty, and not motivated or focused at work.
I can't seem to get it together right now. I guess that part of me is not fully committed to sobriety. Obviously, right? I kind of keep getting sucked back in by the "but maybe I can moderate" thing. Or, "it's just tonight." But I should know that that hasn't worked the past 1,000 times I tried. I should know that even if it seems like it's working now, eventually it won't. I also know that, as Dee has reminded me, there's no such thing as a free pass with addiction. Drinking is always a bad idea even if nothing bad immediately happens. I know this. And yet.
I really need some clarity right now on what my goals are and I know that no one else can provide that but me. It might not even be fair to post here right now, but I feel like being around SR has got to be better than not being around.