Agreed, I don't tend to use the label either, because maybe it's too narrow a definition and maybe that's not helpful to some people?
You might find that a couple of items that are considered "codependent" really resound with you but the others don't.
I don't think I am codependent, I don't know that ever have been but what I do absolutely know is that when you end up in any kind of strongly dysfunctional relationship, be that alcoholic or other type, some of those things just tend to come to the forefront by the very nature of the relationship (so to say, you may have not exhibited those characteristics prior).
Even Melody Beattie dislikes the term lol But it is commonly used.
My my I am rambling! Maybe Melody is more concise:
"The real root of the word “codependent” and the original definition came from the legal use of the word in contracts and documents. It (codependent) meant that an action was mutually dependent on or influenced by something else – someone or something besides the original factor or persons involved.
Codependent defined certain legal terms in agreements, contracts or decisions.
Then, in the 80’s, when codependency came out as a word used to describe (mostly) dysfunctional relationships, it took on a new meaning for many of us – but not a completely new one.
When making decisions and choices, we all take into consideration various factors: our choice’s impact on people we love, the results of that choice on our (and other people’s lives) and other considerations.
Being “Codependent No More” (or at least “Not as Much”) doesn’t mean we’re crazy. And isn’t cause for embarrassment".
Seems to me, that if you are in a relationship with an alcoholic, whether you had signs of "codependency" or not before, it is almost inevitable if you get caught up in the madness that is alcoholism, if you try to become in any way comfortable with that - lifestyle. It's too screwed up not to perhaps. When you are making choices in a relationship that affect you but also the alcoholic, how can it not generate new dysfunction?