OneofYou

You're addicted to alcohol, that's what's wrong. Physically, mentally, physiologically, and spiritually addicted to the chemicals you are putting in your body everyday.

By addicted, I mean you have changed your brain chemistry to the point that as soon as the alcohol supply depletes your neurotransmitters start firing off signals it needs more (racy, edgey). Once it has more, the (relaxed, unhappy) feelings kicks in.

What you describe is no different than the signals your body and mind sends out when we're hungry, difference being alcohol obviously is poison we put in our bodies repeatedly until it's as natural a craving as the need to eat.

I think we all can relate and, for me, one of the the biggest reliefs in sobriety is losing all the mental, physical, and physiological junk thoughts and reactions I kinda knew, but, never fully appreciated ate up so much of my headspace, time, and energy day after day, drink after drink, pass out, repeat.. Just like you're feeling right now.

I often think if I could get in any alcoholic's heart and show them just how different they'll feel and think simply by getting a little space between themselves and alcohol, I'm certain you'd start to really enjoy a whole new mode~ calm, peaceful, and hopeful.