Originally Posted by
JPA 
[left]
Generally speaking I have two modes:
1. Content, productive but on-edge (sober)
2. Unhappy, unproductive but relaxed (drunk)
When were you last in mode 1 long enough to make an accurate assessment of how you feel?
From your posts, you've been in mode 2 pretty steady. Any short periods you have "not drinking" is probably withdrawal mode and being "on-edge" is an understatement.
Accumulate some sober time and then ask yourself, "What is so discomforting about sobriety that makes me turn to the drink?"