You are where I was a couple of months ago.
Actually I was worse.
I went to my doctor, put life on "hold" and took care of ME for awhile.
If I got through that nightmare, you can get through by taking the right actions and allowing yourself to heal.
My doctor gave me anti depressants and Im better every day.
I have NO desire to drink or even look at alcohol.
You just need to find what works for you. You can be free of that junk. Its nothing but misery.