Beachn,
Sounds like you and your wife are on the right track. Give it some time. I found this quote the other day and it reminded me of you, your wife, me....probably most everyone that deals with a LOT of trauma.
I'm also guessing that's a LOT of us here on SR, no matter what side of the street we are on.
“Anyone can give up; it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”