So I randomly decided to play hooky from work today. Back when I was actively drinking (over a year ago), I would play hooky because I was hungover and had been up since 2 or 3 a.m., an anxious, depressed mess. Back then, upon getting up, I would immediately have a drink or 2 because obviously I needed that pick-me-up to pretend I was getting ready for work and drive my daughter to daycare. After dropping her off, I'd hit the liquor store to stock up for a day of solo drinking. After pounding the majority of whatever alcohol I bought, I'd stuff my face with unhealthy food and pass out for a few hours. When I woke up, I would start texting my s/o...."Oh, they let me out of work early, so see you when you get home (my workday is (supposed to be
a few hours longer than his, so I had to come up with some excuse as to why I was home so early). He would get home, with our daughter, and wonder how I was already so buzzed. I would continue drinking, not remembering giving my daughter a bath or putting her to bed...I would also forget verbally abusing my s/o until I passed out. At times, there were evening drives to the liquor store. This awful cycle typically repeated itself for a few days every few weeks.
Today, I had no qualms about taking the day off. Since I have been sober, I have been so much more productive at work-at this point, I'm basically my supervisor's left hand (wo)man
I woke up with a clear, sober mind (best feeling in the world), had coffee and dropped my daughter off at school. Right now, I am watching the news and may try a protein pancake recipe I recently saw online. I think I'll be lazy for a while and watch some trash t.v. At some point, I'll get a workout in and some cleaning/organizing around the house (not much though...it IS a day off after all). I'll probably take a trip out later and pick up a fancy coffee at an amazing new coffee shop in town...because now that I'm sober, I can safely drive whenever and wherever I want to. I won't have to send any face-saving texts (he knows I'm home this time) and I'll be coherent to hear about my daughter's day at school and have a nice dinner w/my family.
To anyone early in their journey-it is such a stark difference that is really pretty unbelievable-until you actually live it. I am SO glad that I took the steps necessary to get and remain sober for this long. I continue to take it one day at a time...something that I believe is necessary for sustained sobriety.
Have a nice day everyone!