Dandylion,
Thankyou for your insight. Yes, I understand what you are saying about mug and talking with my wife about it. I'm not ready to have a discussion over a stupid mug.
I told her awhile back when everything blew up that I felt lonely. That I did the things i did for her to show my feelings towards her. It was my way of showing love. Before that time, I was never one to be wordy with or show my emotions. I usually kept them bottled inside. Then after everything blew up it was like some type of switch in my head was flicked the other way. To give you an example: My daughter was heading off to college. I had said many a times she was heading off. Didn't bother me. Then about 2 week after we had our big blew up and about 2 weeks before she was about to leave. I was talking to a church member at the laundry mat (washer was out at home) and she ask me about her and I chocked up. Strange for me I thought. Then by the time I got home. I couldn't even say her name without crying. Just thinking it would bring tears. Something not like me at all. I'm the stable one in all situations. Almost robot like.
I know express my emotions more to my wife and don't keep them bottle up. I still wish i words came out of me more freely. I have always been the quiet type and just listen. You wouldn't know it from all my post here. It has something I have been working on big time since I started Al-Anon. I realize that was one of the things that was hurting our marriage was the communication. While it's still not perfect it's getting better. Just this weekend I told her that I loved our times that we communicate so freely. I can see the sparkle in her eyes when we are having these talks. It brings great joy to my heart as well. I have heard of that book. I have not read it. I have taken the love language test and have shared it with my wife. She was socked at the order I see love. It has helped her to know how I perceive love. She has taken it also. Which has helped me.
Thanks for helping. Be strong and have a great day.