ironwill…...as I am reading your story about the mug....my first thoughts are different than the other responses that you have received, I think.....
This is my thought......communication is the thing that brings relationships together and keeps them viable....according to my experience, at least.
And, to be sure, it sometimes takes a wiliness to be vulnerable in order to be completely open in our communications to another person.....and, I know how scary that can be, when the stakes feel high.
This, obviously is an incident that has hurt your deeply.....so much so, that you are carrying that hurt around in your heart. I think that in a "normal" healthy marriage, that the wounded party would tell the other party everything that you told US in your story. Lay their feelings out on the table, for the other party to know.....
The only way to feel really known and "seen" is to be able to honestly express ourselves...All of our feelings...even the angry and hurt ones....
Otherwise, the fabric of the relationship becomes littered with festering resentments....and that pushes us farther apart, rather than closer together.
I think that once a relationship has been affected by a betrayal.....it takes time and work to repair...;and, I think that the wounded party doesn't feel trust until they know that the "aggressor" understands and really gets the hurt that they inflicted (intentional or not)…..and can communicate genuine sorror for what they did...….
None of this can happen without both parties doing their respective parts of open, vulnerable and honest communication...….lol....the key words in that sentence is "both parties"...…
On another angle....the thread that I notice throughout your mug story and some other of your posts is that you feel so emotionally neglected by your wife...even aside from the issue of her emotional affairs...….
As if you are crying out for her to show you evidence that she cares about you.....to show that you are IMPORTANT to her...…
If I am correct about this.....does she know this?.....have you made it very clear to her that you feel this way?
If you haven't.....can you say why not....?
I know that you and your wife have had a lot of water under the bridge, in your marriage.....probably a lot of scars on both sides, I would imagine.....
Would the two of you be willing to undertake marriage counseling, down the road, with a licensed, professional marriage therapist? I am not talking just a generalist counselor....but an experienced specialist.....I think that makes a big difference.....
***There is a book that I think would be very provocative for you to read....it is called "The 5 Love Languages"....it has been around for a long time and is considered a classic book, by now. It is really eye opening for most people...basically, anyone who is married...lol!...…
I know it gave me a lot of room for thought and, really helped me, a lot.....I gained a deeper understanding of my husband for having read it.....lol...I think it would be a good wedding gift for anyone getting married......