Originally Posted by Zevin

"At war with shadows..." is a perfect way to describe when life goes horribly wrong for a long time.
My spouse, children and I had several years of EVERYTHING falling apart around us. Deaths of good, good YOUNG friends, (I think we went to 10 funerals in one year) plus very tragic deaths of a niece and 2 nephews from 3 different accidents.
My spouse got cancer at 40, the same type my Dad was dying from. Just as spouse was recuperating, one of my nephews died by suicide. Then my Dad passed away. That all happened in 3 months. And THEN....Spouse was in a plane crash and spent a full year, recovering from the many horrific injuries.
I HELD IT TOGETHER like nobody's business! I practically had a hospital at my house. I could change IV bags, empty urine and colostomy bags, take care of the kids (one with disabilities, the other a TEEN-AGER.) Sure, I had a glass or two of wine a night but then......as a few years went by and we all recovered emotionally from the many deaths, diseases, accidents etc., life normalized for everyone but me. I was then drinking up to 3 bottles of wine by myself every night.

I seized out several times and after the last round of seizures, with my heart rate and blood pressure out of control, medicine unable to stop the seizures and 5 days in ICU, I willingly went to rehab. Of course, my sweet Father-in-law died while I was in rehab (I'd been taking care of him and my M-I-L) so I came home for 3 days for his funeral, then went back to finish up the 30 days.
My point is...I was THE STRONG ONE in our family for YEARS until....I wasn't. I was diagnosed with PTSD at rehab. The PTSD combined with very heavy drinking was also causing horrible panic attacks and a bit of agoraphobia.
So, I feel a bit sorry for your wife. I'm fortunate to have gone to an amazing rehab, where my family and I received incredible counseling. There was never ANYTHING sexual going on amongst the clients and if there was even a hint of a flirtation starting up, it was stopped.
I'm sorry she had such weird experiences at a rehab and you should seriously consider reporting them to the state licensing board.
You nailed it on the head when you said, "You were the one lucky SOB" that alcohol didn't sink its claws into. Like me, she didn't get lucky.
I consider myself a "double winner" because, in my opinion, my spouse drinks way too much. It made it harder for me to stop (I had several relapses, usually on vacations) but, with the help of AA and this site, I realize I've got to stay on my own side of the street.
She needs the right kind of help but she will have to want it for herself.

Since you BOTH have been diagnosed with PTSD, it seems to me like she's had some sort of nervous breakdown, exacerbated by the stressful conditions that brought on the PTSD.
I hope and pray that you both will find your way out of this TORNADO life has become. There IS HOPE!