Hi Jason, I’m so sorry you are hurting. I am also so new to all this and going through a hard time. It’s been a little over a month my XAF broke up with me. We were planing our wedding, had so many plans for our future, and just a few days after I bought my wedding dress everything was over.

I was dealing with a lot and yet I promised him I’d never leave his side. He used to say he hated himself and was ashamed that he was an alcoholic and couldn’t control his drinking.
I was there for him through everything, two days after he broke up he went out with some other girl took her to a baseball game and booked a fancy hotel room to spend the night. Some of my friends has seen his dating profile in a few dating apps. I’m devastated as he hasn’t reached out once, not even to check on me. I feel used and like I never existed to him.

Ive bee attending Al-anon meetings and going to therapy, also this group helps me a lot. I get a lot of advices, opinions, get to vent once in a while, and exchange experiences. Since all I can do right now is focus on myself I’m learning as much as I can about myself, alcoholics, and how it has affected my life. I hear all the time I dodge a bullet - - which hurts me so much specially because is true.

These two books was recommended to me and you will see a lot of people here talk about it. It might give you some insight.
1-Adult Child Of Alcoholic
2-Codependent no more

i feel for you, this is excruciating pain. Take care of yourself.