I understand you wanting him to know that you love him. One thing I had to accept when my son was actively using is that I didn't matter to him. ONLY his drugs mattered. I also understood that I was making excuses for his bad behavior (lying, stealing, etc) that I would NEVER had allowed someone else to get away with. Your son's anger and wrath is unacceptable. Detach and let him find his way. I would try NC and put some time in focusing on your younger child. Good for you for NOT giving money. Your gut is right in this issue.