I think you need to shift your focus from "is it enabling him?" to "is it healthy for me?" It sounds like this whole situation is causing you a lot of stress. Have you been to any meetings? This forum is great, but there's nothing like in-person groups. Work on getting yourself mentally strong. When you are in a good mental health space it will be easier to make decisions about how to handle your relationship with him, how and when to say "no", etc.