Sounds like you're in a bad way, and I'm really sorry you feel so low.
Medication is something you should definitely consider if it's recommended, especially if it's for depression and/or anxiety. I recently upped my meds quite a bit, and now that I have a sober brain they're actually working as intended. It doesn't change you, just evens the playing field for your mind to function without any barriers. Wouldn't make sense to try and run a race with weights strapped to your ankles. Not medical advice, just my experience. Medication saved me, along with being sober, therapy, and hard work on personal growth.
Go to the therapist and doctors and take any advice you can get. Keep reaching out, here, and to friends or family. Consider every option to help yourself. You really, truly do not have to feel this way. It's a tough road for sure, but things that burned down can be rebuilt better and stronger.
You can do this. Keep posting. DMs are open if you want to chat that way too. I'll keep you in my thoughts.