Reenvc, I’m in the earlier stages of a similar situation to you. The feeling of guilt is awful and I too struggle with it. My AH is also in denial and goes between complete addict behaviour to saying all the ‘right’ things on an hourly basis. It’s draining and confusing for the kids. It’s horrible knowing someone is being hurt because of our decisions but I try to remind myself that I deserve to enjoy life - it’s hard though. I’m guessing addicts choose partners that are caring and empathetic like us for a reason!!

edited to add: I have no real advice as that’s why I am hear but I’m sorry that you are going through similar to me. No one deserves to feel the guilt that we feel when we haven’t done anything wrong