Railtek

Hello. i used to read and post a few times last year but i have lost my username and email i made for that account etc.

i wont go long into detail but i need help..

i am in battle with myself because my sober me wants nothing to do with alcohol but my alcoholic self does not let it go.

the biggest problem is that i created a hobbie out drinking in the evenings because comes 6pm the boredom sets in and i go straight for the bottleshop.

you may say "go and venture out and find activities!"
well, the problem with that is i have made drinking so routine that NOTHING interests me anymore. Not hikking, birdwatching, people meeting, sports meetups etc etc NOTHING,,,,the buzz is gone plus my social anxiety mixed with my alcoholic dumbed brain really stands out and people start to avoid me.

i had a stint of going out to stripclubs watching the girls, drinking EVERYTHING even drinks on the table then proceed to go to a brothel..i stopped doing this because i nearly got mugged at 4am and this is in general not good behavior.

i dont know what it is, i am like a broken person since childhood. i get so drunk that i just stare into the ground and if someone asked me to get into a car with them i probably would go...where is my self direction? why am i so lost and in despair!

so yeah just sit at home. i work and i come home to drink and i dont talk to anyone...

i just need some sober time! My only sober time has been 3 weeks last year out of 12 years, that is a hopeless attempt..

i have looked into Thai rehabs but they seem upto $10,000 and iam worried it may be the typical " looks good on the web, but different in life" trick,