taplow

I don't like drinking, it's boring. But now and again I forget how boring it is and the idea will get in my head and there'd be an internal argument and then I'd be back again, drinking . Of couse I'd be back drinking, because I've had the internal argument. Once I get that far, the decision has been taken.
First thing is, I wonder if I should have a drink? Then it's no, no you're not doing that. That's usually where the idea dies. But occasionally the urge is more insistent and returns with a justification with supporting arguments, there's this and that to do, I'm going here and seeing so and so and I can stop properly at such and such a date, and then the response is weaker, no, you can't drink, think what it leads to. But it's a token response, for once the discussion has gained a foothold then really it's all over. The arguments against are futile and I'd know it.
The best part of drinking is when the decision to drink has been made. What inevitably follows is a disappointment which can only be alleviated by more drinking and more disappointment and more drinking and more disappointment and so on.
When truly sober, in a truly sober stretch, I never avoided being around alcohol. The times in pubs with drunks while holding a soft drink for most of the evening were enlightening experiences.
I calculated that the time it took for drinkers to become tiresome was 105 minutes. I can be so precise because that's the time a football match lasts if you're including half time. If I'd gone to watch a match in a pub with some drinking friends I'd notice how stupid everyone seemed at the final whistle - lack of awareness, repeating themselves for example. I'd then just be a detached observer. I'd hang about because as tiresome as it was, at least it was something.
But really, what else is there to do? Learn how to play the accordion in order to be able to teach others how to play the accordion? Join in and help the homeless by writing them a musical to perform in, in exchange for food vouchers? Start a charity installing stairlifts in bungalows? There's got to be something else to fill the empty hole. That's why there are sites like this, and I'm very glad there are because I'm using it right now to occupy my time instead of going round the supermarket for lager.
The fact is life is boring. No animal has leisure time to fill. It's constant nest building and feeding and sleeping and feeding and sleeping and feeding with only the occasional seasonal bunk for relief.
If only I had some great interest, something I really cared about, and I don't mean some time filler charity shop type thing to stop the inner yawning.
Life is boring and there's not much we can do about that unless you are passionate about something - and how many people really are passionate about anything? Of course they're not passionate; look at them.
Drinking is a little escape hatch that we excitedly clamber through, not realising that it leads into a maximum security prison.
Yes drink is boring, but the only relationships I've ever had have been with women I've met when I've been drinking. I've never met a woman in a library, a bus shelter or a slaugterhouse. Drink is the only way we meet anyone. Think of the cultures that don't drink; they've got no chance, they have to have their parents do it for them.
Drink is boring. But sometimes - like now for instance - it does seem to offer something else. Something different, a new landscape.
I'm just writing to ward off the luring alcohol bitch that's whispering sweet vacancies in my earholes.
I'm using this to get through this evening sober. It's a resource right.
The problem is, I can handle drink but I can't handle sobriety.
Have a nice evening, morning, afternoon, wherever you are.