Lost, I'm sending as many good mojo vibes as I can. I don't think it's a coincidence that Glenjo was listening to Tina Turner yesterday.
But he still has something to say...
I'm not even going to paste the rest of what he said because I don't want to give this dude any more space. He's trying to demean you into silence, because if he makes you ashamed of even breathing then you're less likely to talk.
I often get the question why I never told my parents what was going on. One of the many reasons why was because my abuser told me that if I told them, she would let them know what a bad person I was. When I opened up years later, my sister told me that we weren't abused because we were spoiled brats and we deserved it. It's such a struggle not to internalize it.
I'm afraid this will come back, and maybe this time be worse bc of the abuse. I never had that part with my ex. What if this time, it really does me in.
Years later, I still get major episodes of depression. I am so paranoid of making a mistake that sometimes mere conversations will reduce me into tears. About a year and a half ago, I was so anxious that I actually cracked my back tooth.
However, these days, I am much better about identifying the triggers and the thought processes that lead to the depression/anxiety. So even though I'm still feeling the feelings, just knowing the logic behind those feelings helps me get to the other side that much faster.
What kind of mother am I.
You're the kind of mother who opened up her heart to someone, recognized that the relationship didn't give her what she deserved, and is now taking steps to move on. And who wouldn't want to be that kind of mother?
I know it's really hard to do this, but the next time the dude tries to poison your brain with feeling of self-worthlessness, remind yourself that he's doing it so he can continue to live in your place rent-free.
You may be Lost4Now, but you sure as hell ain't Lost4Ever.