Hopefully My Bottom Has Finally Caught Up with Me
Hey everyone, brand new user here. I just joined today.
In my 14th year of active alcoholism I have never in my life drank like I have drank this year. I recently turned 35 and new health issues I have never dealt with have me scared. I always thought I was invincible, but obviously that's not the case.
Last year I had 7 months of sobriety and I never looked or felt better. I pretty much changed every. My diet was extremely healthy (almost to the point of crazy), I exercised daily, I was re-engaged spiritually. I started a new life across the country in a safe environment, but on a whim decided to return home to my family, which turned out to be a huge mistake.
I remained sober for almost 2 months upon returning home when that old voice went off in my head thinking I could drink in moderation. And how bored I was... Next thing I knew I was straight down the rabbit hole again. Big time. Since then I have failed to find employment, blew all of my savings, hospitalized for depression and racked up medical bills I simply cannot pay.
I've always been relatively good with finances, but I'm in a real mess now.
I've always been a straight vodka binger, but this year I have been buying handles instead of fifths and just drinking at any time of the day or night. 3 am, 6 am, 10 am... didn't matter. Sip out of the bottle every 15 mins or so to just maintain. Spending any money I could get on bottles instead of paying bills. Selling my dream guitars, pawning whatever else I could. And drinking every single one of the friends I made while sober last year away... Depressing.
In July I started having extremely painful neuropathy in my legs. Stabbing, burning, numbness in my feet (especially toes). Also pain under my left rib cage which is very painful to the touch. Face is bloated... I don't even look like myself anymore. Crazy insomina and when I do fall asleep I wake up in a pool of sweat.
Even with all that, I still want to escape. Because escape has always been my drug of choice. Alcohol was just always the easiest way of finding it.
Today is day 1 and I'm already freaked out. I want a life and I realize if I don't quit I'm not going to make it... I could hardly stand up last night because my legs and feet were hurting so bad.
Thanks for all the support here.