I am under a huge amount of stress right now. And really, the only thing that has changed is how I'm perceiving it. How I'm internalizing and how I'm reacting.
AA uses the phrase " Alcoholism is a disease of perception". While I don't embrace that word for word, I take it as "life is a condition of perception and of choice". That's how it is for me anyway. I know without a doubt that I am riding the end of a calm. If I don't figure out what is really driving how I'm feeling right now, I'll blow.
Drinking won't help one bit. So I'm just stuck with the awful sort of ugh.
Anyway, I relate. And the situation you are in is brutal so I hope you are out of it soon.
Gave her Cancer? Um, that can't happen, unless its cervical from HPV and there frankly is no way to prove that you were the carrier. No test for men as far as I know. Of course, if that is it, you now are a carrier so be conscious of that. Sorry if that was way off base, or tmi. And since like 80% of the population have been exposed to HPV its pretty hard to run that line as a reasonable guilt trip. Its just one of those 'bummers' of life.
But reasonable doesn't sound like part of the deal in your situation. I hope you find relief soon.