SmallButMighty

What do you want to do Sleeper? I mean really, in your heart of hearts, what do you want for your life? You don't have to answer me, I'd just like you to think about it. Also ask yourself if you are ever going to be able to have that quality of life while you are tied to an active alcoholic.

I was married to an alcoholic for a long time, we raised a family before I managed to find the strength to leave. I wanted a better life. I NEEDED a better life. I wasn't going to get it while I was attached to his chaos.

My father was an alcoholic, my mother stayed married to him for 50 years. She found him one afternoon, dying in their bed from his alcohol related heart conditions. He passed before help could arrive. She spent her whole adult life..from 20 to 70, hoping he would get better. He never did and he died in her arms.

After my mum got over the worst of her grief, she flourished and continues to. She still has major codependency problems between her and my brother( again she continues to hope, fruitlessly) but it is so nice to see her independent for the first time in her life. She does what she wants when she wants. She is no longer walking on the eggshells that surrounded my dad's wants and moods. She rearranged her home and redecorated it the way she wants it and in ways that work for her( they wouldn't work for anybody else but it works for her!) Her home stays clean and quiet and she is enjoying a peaceful life of gardening and doing her craft/art. She is among us women who found out how much easier finances are managed when a drunk isn't drinking away all your money.

I hope you keep reading and re-reading Codependent No More. That book changed my perspective on life. Because of that, I managed to find consistent happiness in my 40s instead of having to wait until my 70s.

*hugs*