hi sleeper, so sorry you are having such a horrible night.
I really suggest three things, first of all that you do "back off". Terrible way for him to put it but he's feeling pressured to not drink and that never ends well. I say this for your well-being by the way, nothing to do with him.
Secondly, read everything you can about alcoholism. Knowledge is power and you have a big problem here and you need to really know everything you can about it. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
Third, you may want to start journaling these incidents, for you, not for him. You have posted:
- July 5th
We had a lovely evening with a friend and as soon as she left he picked an argument about something small.
- July 15th
We are due to go on a big holiday this week. And tonight he told me I was selfish and that he was going to leave me to go on my own.
- August 31st
But the last two weeks have been horrific, him saying the most awful things
- September 5th
he said awful things yet again and I received a message from him saying “ goodbye “
- ]September 8th
I’m to back off. I feel devastated as the weekend was like old times
Please know I'm not posting that to make you feel bad (but it probably does and I'm sorry about that) but you perhaps might want to try protecting yourself emotionally here. Being in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict, you can't just leave yourself wide open. It's not like a "normal" relationship with someone who is emotionally stable. His behaviour is erratic and he is certainly not going to look out for you so you need to look out for you! You always should, regardless, but absolutely in this situation.
If you don't you are going to keep being hurt and devastated. This can cause anxiety and low self esteem and trauma. It's not a good thing to allow someone to beat you up emotionally.
You need support, perhaps visit here and post more often or at least read daily? Including the stickies at the top of the forum. Have you read Codependent no more, do you have Al-Anon meetings near you?