BrokeHeart

All my life I have been surrounded by Alcoholics, living in Pubs, Alcoholic Family Members, Friends with Alcohol Issues, random Alcoholics trying to cause drama for me to make their life more entertaining, random Drunk males on Fb messaging me for sex and forgetting the next day, etc.

This time, it's not my mother, as I ran away from her 7 years ago, but seem to be attracted to closet Alcoholics. They can be great for months, years even and pretend to be a good friend, then sh*t hits the fan and I am left to suffer, while they move on with their lives and carry on their drinking and denial.
I was friends with a Guy for over 10 years as I used to date his Cousin, almost married and had babies with his Cousin, so my Friend was more like Family.
After I broke up with his Cousin due to his cheating, I remained Friends with his Family, as they really liked me, but after a couple of years my friends feelings toward me changed, and he asked me out while we were drinking one night. I told him open and honestly how I felt about him and that I was still recovering from all the bad things his cousin put me through, that I didn't think of him like that and we would only ever be friends.
A year later, he asked me out again, though I had previously told him how I felt and that we could only be Friends, nothing more. He doesn't remember this as he was drinking.
He asked me a couple more times and every time I was open and honest with him and every time he forgot about it the next day due to the Alcohol, my Curse is I remember EVERYTHING!!! Drunk or not.

3 weeks ago, he started sending me nasty drunken, jealous messages as I have made Friends with a Gentleman neighbour, every time I make a new friend, he gets Jealous though he has no reason to be.
So I told him off for the nasty guilt tripping texts to which he got nastier, as he was drinking, so I turned off my phone, The next day he apologized, but I told him he has done it too many times and I will not tolerate it anymore.
Well then it all turned on me and he started abusing me, lying about or not remembering what I have previously told him. He said he was fine with just being friend but that he also loved me and wanted to ask me out...Huge Contradiction.
So I told him to leave me alone and move on. Since then he caused trouble with my Neighbor who I just met 6 months ago, and really liked, but knew it would hurt my friend if I got with him, so didn't do anything about it.

Eventually, we ended up getting close, my neighbor and I, and I asked him to take things slowly with me and give me time to get over the lies and issues my ex friend had caused me.
He promised he would but them kept pushing and pushing me, I was open and honest with him from the start but now he thinks, I am rude, judgmental and a liar as my ex friend told him he had no feelings for me. So I told him we should just be Friends/Neighbors, but for some reason after our huge argument he thinks it's ok to ask me for a kiss, make up sex and if we can be friends with benefits.... I told him Friends do NOT kiss, and ignored the other comments.

My neighbor pushed and pushed and in the end disrespected me so much, I went psycho, punched my metal gate, back door etc and started bawling, I tried to explain to him that I needed time to myself after having my ex friend in my life, lying to me for so long, restricting who I can be friends with and what I can do, where I can go, he apologized but then took it back and denied it, apologized and denied it again, so I gave up on him, used car salesmen will tell you what you want to hear and not care about your feelings, thoughts or needs.

I told him I wanted a relationship of Love not convenience, as I am Disabled and cannot drive so he wanted to help me there and he wanted a Mother for his 11 year old Son. Which would have been great, if he had of given me the time and understanding I needed to adapt to my new situation.
Life is now very hard without my ex friend in it, as we used to help each other out, as Friends.
Now I am alone, and they are the best of Friends, they are Welcome to each other, but I am also a little jealous as I am totally alone now, with no one to help me get food shopping, sheep food or get to the Doctors which does not help my Heart Condition, let alone have a Social Life and get out of the house.
I have never been allowed to drive due to my Heart Condition, so do sometimes need to rely on others, but I refuse to use people and always try to pay my way, but men say "no I don't want money", but they don't say how they want paying back, until it's too late.
Only I can fix my issues, with time, patience and understanding. After years of abuse and being used, I know it will take a long time to get back to being half normal.