Hi Linz,
No one knows why one addict gets it and another one doesn't. Admitting that there is a problem is a huge first step. I've been reading and reading and reading about heroin addiction to understand why my husband is doing the insane hurtful things he's been doing. I'm looking for answers where there really aren't any. Like I'm trying to find in what I read that he really does love me and this relationship he has with this other woman is just an aberration.
ultimately, it doesn't really matter at this point so while I can understand better, it doesn't take away from the fact that I have to protect myself and our children from the insanity. Yesterday my husband was seen by the house, girlfriend in the car, by our daughter. He'd kicked in a basement window and stolen our son's xbox. I've called the police.
I can look forever for reasons why he cheated on me, but it doesn't matter. I can't change that. Nor can I make him want to get sober. Why anyone would choose the life he's living, is baffling but that's not our choice either. I can only heal.
My therapist gave me a good assignment..write a "singles ad" from your guy's perspective, listing his character traits, good and bad. Then ask yourself, if you read that ad, without knowing who the person was, would you answer it? That helped me