Not feeling great despite having 10 months hard fought for sobriety today.
For some reason my mental health has suddenly started to decline. I am obsessing about things I have no control of or any business to be concerning myself with. I don't interfere, it is all in my head driving me mad. Going round and round like a merry go round ~ except no
merry .
I have horrible thoughts in my head. I feel like I dislike everyone even though I actually have no one close to me. I want to withdraw even more if that is possible. Yet really I want people. I'm lonely.
On top of that I have been acting impulsively and don't feel in control.
Whilst feeling like this I purchased a second hand sofa. Just pressed the button
buy now like a dare. I never impulse buy when I am well, can't afford to, money is tight. Anyway it arrived and is just awful. It smells and is like sitting on a park bench! I bought unseen after trusting the words of a unscrupulous seller on ebay. I am now fighting for a refund but it is her word against mine. She is blaming the courier. I don't need the stress, I want it out of my house. It feels like an intruder in my cocoon - can't explain.
My point is this combination of feeling unstable and the added stress of in my eyes being conned excited my av beyond belief. I really nearly drank yesterday. The bottle in the shop was in my hand. And those feelings are still with me today.
I want to knock myself out. Eliminate all these feelings, be numb and oblivious.
Or do I? Inner conflict and common sense tells me not. Av says yes.
Help please. I am in the danger zone.
