Hi Tony, Welcome to SR, glad you found us
I not only had that thought, but tried everything to see if I could make my addiction and disease fit into a "normal" life, by controlling it, only on weekends, only do it alone..... Suffice to say I ended up completely alone sick and on the way out.
Why not just stick around here and keep reading/posting and talk to a few people about what is going on, go to a few meetings and keep going back.
Kevin