I went for a walk---just to get out of the office. I thought a good cry would do me some good. It helped but....its weird.....my mind wandered to everything around me---the squirrell hopping on a cement wall--I laughed--I dont know why??????????? Then I started to pray--well--maybe not pray--talk to God I guess you could say........... I asked why am I feeling like this so much lately. And almost instantly I "felt" the answer(if that makes any sense)
I cant put it into words really--but I know what I need to do--even though I already knew--I must sound like a total nut!!!!
What it comes down to is that I feel a little better--actually alot better then I did a few hours ago!!!
Working on my recovery is number one--but I really need to work on me--my attitude, way of thinking, ect........ I know that recovery is about working on me--but mostly Ive been just trying to stay clean--not changing anything. If I keep going the way Im going Im gonna get high!!! This I know!! Ive been there done that. That is not an option.
Thank You for your support and letting me have my little "episode".
Ann
I need to go fix my face before someone comes in the office and sees me!!!
Did I mention that I work for the Department of Mental Health? Ya--Someone "stable" like me helping the mentally ill!!!!
All joking aside--I think that this job was meant for me. It took me over a year to get back into this field since I lost my job. I didnt think I would ever be able to do this kind of work again. And look........Yet another reason to be grateful!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!