Rose, great post, thanks for sharing.
Most of my life I loved what alcohol gave me....escaping reality. All the rubbish from my childhood forgotten, all my insecurities forgotten too. I was in a happy state.
Thing is it didn’t stay happy long...yes, I fed my addiction and tried to hide it, I was life and soul of the party. I needed more and more drink to get to that happy state. Comotosed or blacked out.
Not so good after all, so why did I go back for more, insisting to myself I hadn’t got a problem, when I knew I was really kidding myself, but didn’t dwell on those thoughts.
When I look back I wish I could’ve talked to the younger me, given her some strength, shown her where she was heading if she carried on like this....I’m not sure she would’ve listened to me, she was headstrong and perhaps stubborn, she had to find out for herself, put herself through shame, remorse, regret, the happiness seemed to have been replaced with them.
So here I am today...Sober and at peace with myself and dare I say, happy. A true happiness, not forced by booze messing my brain up. I can hold my head up, it took a long time to realise this and I don’t ever want to sit on my laurels.
I’ve appreciated all I have learnt from Sober Recovery site, people here who know what we’ve been through, some still going through. A psychologist couldn’t give me personally what I’ve learned here.
So that’s why I’m still here, visiting every day, vowing my sober ness, being accountable....hoping I can help someone who was like I was once....because I don’t ever want my life ruined again by, as my mum called it ‘the demon drink’