The point is, I do not meet his unattainable expectations of me daily. Things have never been this tense in all our time together for this extended period of time. Driving to pick up his daughter from school activities yesterday evening, he drove fast, stayed narrow eyed and for no reason. Before I left for alanon, I asked him tearfully what was wrong and he smiled and said nothing but there could be something wrong if I wanted there to be.
The exterminator is coming at 8:30 this morning and I've had to remove a lot of things from the linen closet so he can reach the upper corners of the closet. He walks upstairs and stands there, I pass him on the way to the linen closet to fetch another stack of things and he looks incredulous saying, "ok" and rolls his eyes. If I don't acknowledge he is standing there, give him a kiss because he is standing there no matter what it is that im involved with at the moment, it is unacceptable to him. He asked if I was taking his daughter to school and I said "yes, I always do" -- it was a weird question because I always take her to school. On his way down the stairs he tells his daughter, "she's taking you to school because she always does" very sarcastically. What the hell???? I couldn't help myself, I blurted "please come home nice this evening".
This is becoming a living hell. I cannot do this EVERY SINGLE DAY. How can he do this every single day, live in this turmoil? I'm starting to have a hard time looking at him and I'm starting to hate him and we've only been married a few months!
I know I'm rambling, but I still CANNOT believe I picked another freaking winner of this caliber. My picker is BROKEN! I'm an easy going person; I love to laugh -- there is NO laughter or joy in this home right now and I'm beginning to believe there never will be.
To him, my sole job is to put up and shut up; to swallow and swallow hard without retaliation; do as he says, not as he does.
I have to add, my anxiety is through the roof and I can't stay of the freaking toilet!