Step 3, making a decision that I'll let God take charge, that I'll be open to ideas other than my own, the acknowledgement of, and surrender to, I can't, he can, I'll let him, really was for me only a decision at the beginning, a willingness to try something new. That's the beauty of how the programme was written, it has an intelligence and a gentleness that must be divinely inspired (it's not humanly heavy handed enough to be otherwise)
What actually interested me in your post though was about doing steps 1-8 (perhaps you needed to continue on from there? ) and the continued insanity. I was listening to a Russell Brand Under your skin podcast at work this afternoon. In this one he was in conversation with Gabor Mate, and in part of the podcast they were talking about the 12 steps, given that Russell Brand is in recovery. It was one of the best explorations of the 12 step programme, in all its life-changing capacity and its profound spiritual foundation. They also discussed what it doesn't do, or perhaps what it doesn't do for everyone And if you have completed the step programme formally, and two years on, are still feeling insane as you put it, then perhaps outside help is implied? It may be that another addiction/behaviour has arisen, and this time, one needs to go back to the source. There is no objection to outside help, and I'd consider it one of the fundamentals of recovery if one needs to do it.....